MADE YOU LOOK!
YOU SICK FUCK.
Due to circumstances beyond my control [ INSERT SPECIFIC ILLNESS AND/OR INJURY HERE ], my Totally Unstoppable Scheme For World Domination has been postponed for approximately two more weeks. This means my final acquisition of supplies will not occur until the 1st or 2nd day of July. On the upside, I will have additional funds available to me at that time which will facilitate the acquisition of a substantial quantity of additional raw plastique, which will in turn motivate me to consider tackling two or three larger pieces which did not translate well conceptually as scaled-down versions of their original design specs. Although larger projects, like my Transformation Of Medusa, always carry with them the challenge of exceeding my own mortality, I think it would be a sin of omission to shelve some of these perfectly good concepts. Medusa, which has been languishing in virtual dust for over two decades, was originally intended to be a faux marble porcelain centerpiece, but I believe it would still be just as impressive rendered in a different medium ( if it ever sees the light of day ).
Scored by the relentless ticking of the clock, with Death somberly observing from his unique vantage point over my left shoulder, I remain dauntless, defiant and more than a little fidgety...
THE WORD OF THE DAY IS:
HEAT
June 25th, 2015/4pm PT:
The temperatures began to rise early this year, prompting me to cut off all my hair long before the arrival of the Solstice. My decision to go for a preemptive buzz-cut proved to be the right one, as the temperatures are threatening to ascend to August levels before the 1st of July. I'm not surprised by this turn of events--I expected the increase in temperature would keep pace with the overall effects of climate change over the entirety of the west coast. Still, in this little corner of the Pacific Northwest, the effects remain negligible in comparison to the extreme weather in the rest of the country. I truly believe that, as this particular cycle begins to render much of the country nearly uninhabitable, this little patch of former rainforest could potentially become one of the last refuges for human life on American soil. Unless we invade Canadia in the next few years...
The violent storms, the murderous heat waves and the resultant droughts are years away from seriously threatening our relatively sheltered biome***. Half the country could be dust by then, and we few fortunate survivors will probably be preoccupied with trying to keep a million migrating refugees at bay. I anticipate most of the eastern half of Washington State could become an enormous relocation camp, barely surviving on what little food and water make it over the mountains. On the western side of the State, our own biome would continue to be subject to the other aspects of these extreme earthly transformations, particularly seismic and oceanic phenomena. Transitioning ocean ecosystems, oxygen-poor "dead zones", Fukishima radiation and toxic algae have already begun to contribute to an increasingly less productive seafood harvest, and the threat of a major seismic or volcanic event continues to hang over our heads, reminding us that no one is immune to the inevitability of the Earth's eternal state of flux.
Right now it's a reported 85 degrees at 4pm here in Seattle, but I'm not feeling it. It is still early in the season, and my apartment gets direct sunlight for only an hour or so in the early morning. By the time the temperature outside begins to rise, the north face of this building is comfortably hidden in the shade, but as Summer progresses, that story will change dramatically. At the very peak of the Summer season, the north wing gets a couple of hours of direct afternoon sunlight, followed by another couple of hours of reflected late afternoon sunlight from the city's glass exteriors. That is when living in a ten-by-ten concrete box with only one north-facing window becomes an actual health risk. If today's unusually high temperature is any indication of things to come--and it is--I foresee at least three straight weeks of heatstroke-inducing adventure in store for me this year.
During past dog days, I've learned to take two or three quick cool showers every day, and between showers I keep myself misted with cool water and wear wet t-shirts, while my oscillating fan provides a constant breeze. This year, however, I may require some additional protection in the form of mylar sheeting to cover the exposed parts of my window. I know I can lower the temperature inside a house by as much as ten degrees this way, so I've added a mylar emergency "space blanket" to my July shopping list. I might have to buy two, as my window is pretty large and takes up nearly half of my north wall, but the whole idea is threatening to put a painful dent in my precious art supply budget. If worse comes to worst, I could simply cover the window glass in cardboard sheets painted with silver acrylic to deflect the sunlight--ghetto style all the way--and I already have the materials, so it won't cost me anything. One way or another, I will keep cool and muddle through whatever's coming for as long as humanly possible--I've still got way too much to accomplish before the grid crashes and martial law goes into effect...
***AUG 24th Update: Looks like the Chelan wildfire is trying to make a liar of me...!
July 1st, 2015/5pm PT:
If it ain't one thing, it's another. First, Social Security ( or Comerica Bank ) locked my pin number for some damn reason, so I couldn't touch my own money. I figured it might be another data breach thing, like the Target debacle that left me with no money for almost a month a year ago. Then I went downstairs to use the pay phone to call it in, but the phone was out of order. Fortunately, the desk clerk lent me a phone that I could plug into a jack in the Community Room--got to hang onto my precious quarters, which I prefer to use exclusively for bus fares. I listened to the robot, pressed all the right buttons, and set a new pin number. I never got a reason for my pin number being locked, because the robot wasn't programmed with that data. I could have persisted, spoken to a human eventually, but I really just wanted to correct the problem ASAP. Now I can access my money again, so all the biznizz I needed to take care of today just got postponed til tomorrow. Coulda been a helluva lot worse.
Finally, there's the little problem with the local ambient temperature--basically, it's getting really fucking hot out there. I need to make the trip out to the Hobby Lobby in Shoreline on the morning of the 3rd, so I have to be on the bus no later than 7:30am in order to be at the store just as the doors open. If I don't waste too much time exploring the place, and I limit my shopping to the bare essentials at the Albertson's next door, I should be able to get back home with my goodies before the mercury hits the critical 80-degree mark. There's at least one too many "ifs" there, because we're breaking records every day now, and there's no way of accurately predicting exactly what Friday's weather will be. One thing is certain: I can't keep postponing this trip much longer. I'll have the necessary cash in my pocket, so I have to just go for it and hope it doesn't get too much hotter in the next 48 hours. If I were to postpone again in hopes of a cooler day, I'd be waiting until late September. That ain't happenin'. I NEED my $culpey. I NEED that mylar to cover my window. Without these things, the rest of the Summer will SUCK, and I will probably slow-cook and mummify in this little box long before September rolls around. That ain't happenin'--I got shit to do!
July 2nd, 2015/9:30am PT:
Hit all five scheduled stops, got my mylar and some groceries, and made it back home with the rent before 9am--and before the mercury hit 70 degrees. I am a juggernaut. Well, I was--now I'm exhausted and the entire lower half of my body is threatening to spontaneously combust from the pain, but at least I'm on schedule. Tomorrow I can go to the Hobby Lobby in Shoreline for the rest of my art supplies, and hopefully install my new solar deflector. Also cashed my annual energy rebate check, so I was able to pay forward half of next month's rent. This way I'm only paying half my rent out of my own pocket this month and next month--more ice cream for Grumpy Grampa!
A few hours later...
It has been brought to my attention that holiday traffic will be intolerable along all the major routes ( because they'll never get that goddamn tunnel built ), and the only bus to Shoreline travels via 99, which is the ONLY major route going north and south through the middle of everything. Nothing will be on schedule--and the buses will be packed with sweaty irritable trolls--for the next three days. I once made the greivous error of taking this same route on an ordinary Sounders game day--the experience was truly miserable, and not something I'd ever want to repeat. Given this fresh new insight into our rapidly deteriorating transportation infrastructure, I've decided to just spend this holiday weekend enjoying my own company and more than the recommended safe dosage of ice cream. I can finish constructing and installing my solar deflector at my leisure, clean the place up a little, prepare my 3D workspace--and then I'm off to Shoreline bright and early Monday morning. It's all good, bro.
July 4th, 2015/4pm PT:
Ta-Daaaa!
Fully Assembled Hillbilly Solar Deflector
46" x 64"
mylar, scrap cardboard, wood glue, packing tape, beryllium phosphate ( artificial flavor )
July 7th, 2015/2am PT:
The E Line trip was pleasant enough going towards Shoreline. The bus wasn't packed, and the AC is always appreciated. I arrived within a few minutes of the store opening, right on schedule. The place is pretty huge, so I decided to forego an exploratory mission in favor of just quickly getting what I came for--by 9am, the temperature was already getting a little uncomfortable. I still wound up doing quite a lot of walking to find my supplies, and even more at the adjacent market. My total purchases turned out to be few in number, but consisted of a half-dozen particularly heavy items which noticeably exceeded my normal carry limit. Having to spend a quarter of the ride back home standing up didn't help me in the least--as it happens, the ride home on the spacious new air-conditioned E Line is just as packed with drunken asshats who don't use deodorant as the old 358 bus. I managed to jump off the "stank train" and caught the next E in line. It was less packed--and smelled better--but the only seat I could grab was on the tilt-a-whirl ( the tilt-a-whirl is the circular segment in the middle of an articulated coach, sometimes alternately referred to as 'the kidney buster' ). By the time I got home, I was so racked with pain I couldn't sit, stand or lie down with any relief for several hours. It has been 16 hours, and I'm still not up to dancing just yet.
On the positive side, I now have all the $culpey I'm going to need for awhile, but I'll have to return to the Hobby Lobby in a week or so to get the gloss glaze--they were all out ( yet another postponement ). You can't make convincing teeth and eyeballs without that glaze, y'know. I'll have to come up with a more lightweight shopping list for Albertson's, too, although they have things I just can't get downtown that are pretty hard to resist. I snagged some Folger's Black Silk dark roast--the good shit--the moment I saw it on the shelf. Can't get THAT at the IGA. Can't get whole rotisserie barbeque chickens downtown, either. That's definitely on my list for next trip. I would have grabbed one this time around, but I was already so weighed down I didn't want to add a bird to my burden. Next time--the bird WILL be mine!
July 15th, 2015/1pm PT:
FAIL!!!
I returned as promised to the Hobby Lobby out on Aurora this morning, but the promised gloss glaze was not there. Neither was the woman who promised me the glaze would arrive LAST Friday. This time I spoke to the manager, who swore the glaze would arrive THIS Friday, provided me with a rain check, and put a hold on one bottle in my name. If I feel up to it, I'll try again in the next few days. For now, I am worn out--but I got my bird. Ate 1/3 of it as soon as I got home. Yummy. Still need the goddamn glaze, though...
Here's what I have to start with--about six pounds of $culpey.
July 24th, 2015/Noon PT:
BOO-YAH!!!
I returned one final time to the Hobby Lobby on Aurora this morning, and there I found 2 bottles of the gloss glaze smiling up at me from a previously empty shelf. Since I was already in the neighborhood--and feeling celebratory--I took them both ( let the next guy get dicked around for a few weeks! ), along with a bottle of translucent liquid $culpey and a dozen new colors to add to my palette. Finally, I have everything I need to begin my first project. I won't have to make that voyage again until it gets a whole helluva lot cooler outside.
The bus ride was great, but when I got off on Aurora, the air smelled like there was a fire burning nearby. A clerk at Albertsons postulated that the odor might be a result of the road construction further north, but it smelled like a house fire to me--not a trace of asphalt in the air. I believe the wind was actually carrying smoke from the Sleepy Hollow fire near Wenatchee, which has been active since about 3am. One good thing about smoke in the air--it causes a light summer rain to fall, which is helping to cool down the city quite a bit today. Still managed to get home without getting wet. So far, today has been an excellent day, and it's only noon. I think I'll celebrate with some battered fish filets... :)
More Other Stuff!
August 3rd, 2015/7pm PT:
I've been working for days on constructing a "disposable armature". It's an experiment to ascertain whether or not it is even physically possible to build a solid armature for a $culpey bust which can be collapsed and removed prior to baking, leaving only a minimal layer of foil and wire to hold the bust in place during the baking process. The generic bust will likely vary greatly in thickness--requiring a longer bake time--which makes me think that I could achieve a brief "pre-bake" with the full armature intact. That would allow the $culpey to stiffen up a bit before removal of the armature. I don't think 10 or 15 minutes at 275 degrees will do much damage to the armature material ( which is mostly paper and white glue ). Once the full baking is achieved, the foil and wire can then be easily extracted, leaving only the finished $culpey. Anyway, that's the plan so far...
And now, an experiment to determine if my paper armature
can support a minimum of 2 pounds of $culpey...
That weerd crunchy noise at the end of the video
is the balloon slowly tearing itself free of the glue.
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"
October 2nd, 2015/8am PT:
DISTRACTED!!!
If it ain't one thing, it's another. I should be sculpting, but life keeps interrupting the process. It isn't enough that I have difficulty focusing on my work in this decrepit environment, but i'm also sick and useless half the time. I really want to start sculpting something--I REALLY REALLY DO--but the world is just gonna hafta cut me some fuckin' slack. I am not young strong and prolific any more, and I do get distracted easily, even when I'm feeling halfway healthy ( which is rarely the case ).
[ Right around the 24th or thereabouts, my lower G.I. inexplicably jammed up ( ? ), I blew up like a damn balloon and I was in intense discomfort for a night. Then I was kinda okay for 24 hours, but afterwards the pain returned with a vengeance. My colon unlocked a day or two later, and now I'm apparently recovering okay. ]
Most recently, I've been distracted by a postcard. Damien sent me a hand-painted postcard, and on the last line he wrote, "Tag--you're it!". That constituted a challenge in my book, and I rarely decline a challenge--the road to Hell is littered with the souls of my victims. So I located an art supply store which sells watercolor postcard pads, and I spent a good 2 weeks crafting a colorful image in response. I am not a painter, but a challenge is a challenge...I only paint something once every 5 or 10 years, so this is probably the last painting I'll ever paint. Now I just have to mail it, as soon as my malfunctioning G.I. tract will permit me to leave my apartment without pain, or the fear of soiling myself in public. Once that's done, I will once again try to focus on all this $culpey in front of me. I'm pretty sure it's way too late to construct a mask in time for Halloween, but there's always next year. Are those some fateful last words or what??? Put it on my tombstone...
4" x 6" watercolor stock, acrylic, food coloring
October 7th, 2015/9am PT:
Two weeks later, and I still ain't quite right. Might have to take a ride out to the clinic eventually, but I'm not going unless I have no other recourse. Who knows--maybe it's a sign that my batteries got no more juice. In that case...so long, and thanks for all the fish.
October 13th, 2015/9am PT:
Three consecutive days and nights of apparently fully restored digestive functionality--time to bake up some more delicious fish sticks!
So I needed to sculpt something--anything--to get me into the mindset. I decided to start with something quick'n'easy. This is not a safe neighborhood, and some of the less savory residents bring in their street peeps to drink and do dope. All too often, some of these hammered folks somehow end up wandering from room to room and all over the building without restriction, a violation of the house rules which is nearly impossible to enforce, particularly in the wee morning hours. Invariably, some total strangers will end up pounding on my door at 2am, looking for god-knows-what, or whom. I hate that shit. If you haven't made an appointment to visit me, and I haven't got the call from the front desk informing me that you have arrived, you should NOT be knocking on my door. When this occurs, I answer the door with my bayonet in hand. Up to now, the bayonet just had some duct tape wrapped around one end to form a minimal handlegrip, because I was originally hoping to mount it in one of my walking sticks. Unfortunately, the bayonet blade turned out to be just a hair too wide to mount effectively, so I've been relegated to using it solely as a handheld threat when trouble comes a-knockin'.
Well, I felt that little strip of duct tape really detracted from the whole 'threat' aspect of my bayonet, and in my perception it simply ruined the overall presentation. So, my first $culpey test involved peeling off the duct tape, and fashioning a more appropriate grip. I didn't aim for anything particularly fancy; this was more about functionality than detail. I whipped out a proper grip in just a few minutes, building it right onto the bayonet, and baked the whole thing at 275 for 30 minutes. When it had cooled enough to handle, I painted the grip with irridescent silver acrylic. The paint dried rapidly thanks to the heat still radiating from the $culpey, as did the coating of Krylon Clear. The bayonet was finished and ready for use in under two hours. The very next day, some crackhead came pounding on my door at an ungodly hour, searching for a drug dealer who no longer lives here. He won't make that mistake again. The new grip made the bayonet look bigger and scarier than ever, and I made certain he got a real good look at it as I was yelling at him...
...I declare this quickie project a complete success. ;-)
"Stabby"
October 18th, 2015/1pm PT:
I'm just waiting for the representative from WAVE Broadband to come and install my new modem and set me up with an alternate internet connection. My appointment is for any time between 3pm and 5pm. This is an opportunity to take a short break from my current $culpey project, which I'm obsessively pursuing at all hours in order to make my deadline. That deadline is Halloween, and I'm certain I'll have both devices completed by then. Right at this moment, however, establishing a new internet connection is my first priority. CLEAR was bought out by SPRINT, which means the wifi hotspot I've been using for 4 years will cease to function on November 6th. ( Since it's too small and lightweight to serve as a paperweight, I'm just going to disassemble it to see how it worked. ) I wasn't comfortable with the few plans SPRINT has available for former CLEAR customers--basically, they're just disregarding our needs and hoping we'll just buy into their product line. CenturyLink has a special program to provide their broadband service at a reduced rate for folks on a fixed income, but the process requires giving up way too much sensitive information in order for them to establish proof of income. It would make more sense to acquire a letter from Social Security to establish proof of income, but CenturyLink opted for a process that would result in all of my Social Security info being uploaded to their servers--I'm sure that there are hackers just waiting to pounce on those servers, if they haven't already done so. Also their process has to be done via snail-mail, which will take weeks, and leave me without internet for a period of time. So...WAVE it is--at least for now.
If you need a thing, but don't have a thing, you make a thing.
SPOILER ALERT!
October 21st, 2015/1pm PT:
More distractions!...Got my new router and modem from WAVE on Sunday, but hadn't given any thought to where they would go. As it was, they ended up on the floor, which was simply unacceptable. I gathered some appropriate leftover junk from every corner of my apartment--mostly cardboard bits--and spent two days assembling and painting a little stand for them. Though it's mostly made of cardboard, it works perfectly and a few coats of acrylic effectively disguises it. Could be wood; could be plastic--who would suspect that it's 90% paper...?
INTERNET!!!
And now, a short commercial break from Strictly Unorthodox Studios...
And one more from the haunted vault--just because...
In Memorium
The Poet Roy Batty
Model# N6MAA10816
God Rest His Code
01.08.2016~10.31.2019
The Poet Roy Batty
Model# N6MAA10816
God Rest His Code
01.08.2016~10.31.2019
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